even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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