Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
