No awkward lesbian experiences without me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
