My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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