Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
