I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
