Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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