True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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