he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
