Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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