Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
