look no pants
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
