I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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