This house was built for laser tag.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
