she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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