an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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