What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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