remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize