I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
