She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
