I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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