That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize