I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
