We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
