On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
