smell my finger.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
