I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This is not my ceiling
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
