I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
