you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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