sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
