His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
