all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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