I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize