I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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