it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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