Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
