If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize