I feel great
I just peed on a car
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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