Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize