When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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