Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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