there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
