So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize