my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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