Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just invented taco cereal.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
