So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
