After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
