i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
