What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
