Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
