There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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