The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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