I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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