his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
