she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
