the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
