I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
