There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
