my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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