ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
