Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
