Can i not drive my cunt home
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
