I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
