My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this boner is exhausting
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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