Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize