I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
