It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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